I'm putting on

the New Personality.
Are you ready? I am. I'm so tired of this one.
The lines are clear, as are the reasons we don't cross them. I've crossed them and now I'm suffering for it.
But by putting on my New Personality... EVERYTHING changes.
And I'm committed.

PIcs from the International Convention

There are very few words to make simple the range of emotion felt at the convention last week. Jehovah has amazing ways of reminding us exactly how much he loves us. This convention was just one of the many. It was a BEAUTIFUL one.
Brothers and Sisters from around the globe came to partake in the rich spiritual food that was laid out for us. From Ghana to Korea, Boston to Russia.. kyrgyzstan to Australia, Germany to Japan. Literally from AROUND THE GLOBE. I even saw a Brother in traditional garb from Israel. Amazing stuff.
Heres some photos... i simply couldn't lift my camera too often... I wanted to see it with my own eyes and not through the viewfinder. I hope Keith gets some killer pics from this weeks convention. :)

Mom on the bus!


Traceface on the bus


me on the bus.


our cute little convoy.
Apparently not so cute... The news reported that we literally rented EVERY BUS on the island. Killer aye?


My peeps! including my favorite people EVER. Dixie... Joels grandma. i love her.


At the convention, you see things you "normally" wouldn't...


Gotta love the strong agape.


You won't find this kind of love anywhere else.


Having lunch out on the Ala Wai, watching our new friends flock in over the bridge.


aaand being nerds.


Trace found friends she knew over 25 years ago back in Bend, Oregon. aaaand i made new ones :)


Trace trying to show me how evil she can look.


Someone's camera curious!


Ohboy... my nephew is so cute!


aaand ends up with lipstick all up on his grill...


Cubby feeding Fox during the session... aaand i guess thats his version of feeding her?


Holy Crap. look how cute my parents are!


Wander around during lunch long enough and you'll find chris and joel on a chick-hunt. haha


my kids are so cute with nice clothes on.


Wow.. keoki looks SPECIAL... so does Cochise.... what in the world.


you dont see this smile anymore...


Meagan and Bobz looking around on the upstairs deck where a lot of the mexicans were.... of course they would.


meagans pearl necklace was ready for its close-up.


I took TONS of pictures of the gorgeous display of Obi wrapped Kimonos.


A Sister from Korea tried on some mexican garb. So cute!


Woooow!


Obi-Action!


more Obi-Action!


Riiiiight?


meagan in passing!


my neph. idk how this focus and lack there of happened.


Little McElfy with his McELFy ears.


me, Mai, Candace, Cub, and Trace


My BFF up close and suuuperpersonal. haha


and here it looks like Heshuah has a tattoo. haha.


hey there.. thats a big smile, Josh.


Booger-picker convention...


Happy and clean-nosed.


This little face KILLS me.


yeeep.. INTERNATIONAL.


see?


So in Korea, if a man who turns 18 refuses to join Koreas military, he gets put into jail for like 5 years...

Bob Marley had it right. EYE don't wanna wait in vain.

Ooooh my life as of late.

With the numerous personal adjustments made this past week, one would think I'd be exhausted. But honestly, I've never been more refreshed!

Sitting here with my Good Earth *caffeine free* herbal tea, chill music in the background, NO FACEBOOK... I'm taking a moment. One just for me.

LAST week, was AMAZING. We had our International Convention. Finding a starting point in this discussion is near impossible. God works in such beautiful ways. I've been really down emotionally and spiritually for the past few months. It was like being held underwater. This convention was like someone bringing me an oxygen tank and a mask. I can see clearly, and I can breathe freely.

I've cut out many distractions. Some of which are incredibly hard to do without, but to me, it's necessary. These things have been taking up time that I SHOULD have been using for my personal study. (Which by the way, happens nightly now that networking of the social type is out of the picture.)

Other distractions have been removed, some have just been eased up on. Even tho this is something I HAVE to do, it's also something I WANT to do and I'm excited about. It makes me happy.

Moving on. The recent complication.

Explaining this is difficult.

About a year ago, I received a text message from a friend from the mainland who was in Colorado snowboarding with his bff (hahah!)... They'd been drinking, and he was telling me all kinds of personal things, hinting about having feelings for me... I didn't take these things too seriously, simply because he was drinking. Throughout the year, the texts continued. Getting more and more personal, leading up to the eyebrow-raising, "I really wish you were here." moment.

We continued talking and texting, and about 2 months ago, the conversations took an odd turn. He admitted that when he was down here 2 Marches ago, he had wished that we'd had the opportunity to hook up. I'd never thought about this friend in that manner... I COULD, but I hadn't... I met this guy when he was 14 and I was 19.

We kept talking, all the while after he admitted that, instead of calling me by any other name he'd usually come up with, the blanks were filled with "Sweetheart", "Baby", "Darling", "Love".

I can't say I don't enjoy it. It's a wonderful feeling that I'd been missing lately.

But my last text from him was on the 18th... over the weekend, I'd figured he was just busy, as was I... being at the Convention and all...

But Monday morning, I received a text from his mom... Which isn't out of the ordinary... she loves my guts, and I, Hers. After greetings she proceeded with a "well, there's no way around saying this..."

My heart dropped when she paused. I didn't know what was going on. The text continued,

"my son is getting DF'd. He's been trying for days to tell you. He's been stewing about it, and hasn't found a way to talk to you."

I was shocked. I didn't know how to feel. I immediately offered words of comfort, and then texted him.

He said that he was sorry he didn't tell me sooner, but that he couldn't find the words. I asked him to return quickly and unscathed. Which he promised to do with the following words,

"Oh I will be back, don't you worry. and i'm planning to take a trip out there again. :) You know i love"

and it ended like that. My brain was like "oh no no no... you wait just a minute.. FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" i didn't say it, but i thought it!

and then the second message came through.

"Oh I will be back, don't you worry. and i'm planning to take a trip out there again. :) You know, i love you."

I replied with a "love you too.", but I don't know what to do now.

I can't have contact with him... so I can't figure out if it was a friendly "i love you", or a romantic one.

All arrows point to romantic... with admitting all those things, and just last week he wanted to kiss me...

And now, nothing... I guess I'll be waiting a while for the answer... But how do I wait? with open options? without? idk... i don't even know if its something I want..

Time shall tell...

I was supposed to see him next week while I'm on my trip. We had a date planned... guess its not gonna happen now...

Re-Entry into BLOG world.

I've not felt like blogging lately, so OBVIOUSLY I haven't done it.

Multiple reasons contributed to feeling such lethargy with blogging, this year's been quite a roller coaster.

If I were to write bout EVERYTHING I can recall that made this year so bittersweet, this blog would be about 2,000 pages long. No, Seriously...

The gist of it, New life, old love rewired... maternity leave :) ..winning, losing, major failing... Saying goodbye when we weren't ready... June... June was hard... this entire summer was hard.. major meltdowns, ice-overs, lessons learned, lessons taught... being force-fed Humble Pie (necessarily done)... closing doors, opening windows...

2009 was by far, my most challenging year. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. I'll be glad to leave it behind and start anew in 2010.

I plan on blogging a LOT more, starting now. The Writing-Bug is crawling around in my cabesa. Hopefully there shall be tangible results of its scratching around.