Bob Marley had it right. EYE don't wanna wait in vain.

Ooooh my life as of late.

With the numerous personal adjustments made this past week, one would think I'd be exhausted. But honestly, I've never been more refreshed!

Sitting here with my Good Earth *caffeine free* herbal tea, chill music in the background, NO FACEBOOK... I'm taking a moment. One just for me.

LAST week, was AMAZING. We had our International Convention. Finding a starting point in this discussion is near impossible. God works in such beautiful ways. I've been really down emotionally and spiritually for the past few months. It was like being held underwater. This convention was like someone bringing me an oxygen tank and a mask. I can see clearly, and I can breathe freely.

I've cut out many distractions. Some of which are incredibly hard to do without, but to me, it's necessary. These things have been taking up time that I SHOULD have been using for my personal study. (Which by the way, happens nightly now that networking of the social type is out of the picture.)

Other distractions have been removed, some have just been eased up on. Even tho this is something I HAVE to do, it's also something I WANT to do and I'm excited about. It makes me happy.

Moving on. The recent complication.

Explaining this is difficult.

About a year ago, I received a text message from a friend from the mainland who was in Colorado snowboarding with his bff (hahah!)... They'd been drinking, and he was telling me all kinds of personal things, hinting about having feelings for me... I didn't take these things too seriously, simply because he was drinking. Throughout the year, the texts continued. Getting more and more personal, leading up to the eyebrow-raising, "I really wish you were here." moment.

We continued talking and texting, and about 2 months ago, the conversations took an odd turn. He admitted that when he was down here 2 Marches ago, he had wished that we'd had the opportunity to hook up. I'd never thought about this friend in that manner... I COULD, but I hadn't... I met this guy when he was 14 and I was 19.

We kept talking, all the while after he admitted that, instead of calling me by any other name he'd usually come up with, the blanks were filled with "Sweetheart", "Baby", "Darling", "Love".

I can't say I don't enjoy it. It's a wonderful feeling that I'd been missing lately.

But my last text from him was on the 18th... over the weekend, I'd figured he was just busy, as was I... being at the Convention and all...

But Monday morning, I received a text from his mom... Which isn't out of the ordinary... she loves my guts, and I, Hers. After greetings she proceeded with a "well, there's no way around saying this..."

My heart dropped when she paused. I didn't know what was going on. The text continued,

"my son is getting DF'd. He's been trying for days to tell you. He's been stewing about it, and hasn't found a way to talk to you."

I was shocked. I didn't know how to feel. I immediately offered words of comfort, and then texted him.

He said that he was sorry he didn't tell me sooner, but that he couldn't find the words. I asked him to return quickly and unscathed. Which he promised to do with the following words,

"Oh I will be back, don't you worry. and i'm planning to take a trip out there again. :) You know i love"

and it ended like that. My brain was like "oh no no no... you wait just a minute.. FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" i didn't say it, but i thought it!

and then the second message came through.

"Oh I will be back, don't you worry. and i'm planning to take a trip out there again. :) You know, i love you."

I replied with a "love you too.", but I don't know what to do now.

I can't have contact with him... so I can't figure out if it was a friendly "i love you", or a romantic one.

All arrows point to romantic... with admitting all those things, and just last week he wanted to kiss me...

And now, nothing... I guess I'll be waiting a while for the answer... But how do I wait? with open options? without? idk... i don't even know if its something I want..

Time shall tell...

I was supposed to see him next week while I'm on my trip. We had a date planned... guess its not gonna happen now...